If you're not sure you are being abused, or if you suspect a friend is, it's always OK to ask a trusted adult or friend. If you're one of the thousands of people living in an abusive situation, it can help to understand why some people abuse — and to realize that the abuse is not your fault. But that's not true. There is no single reason why people abuse others. But some factors seem to make it more likely that someone may lose control, yell, hit, or hurt.
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Others become abusive because they're not able to manage their feelings properly. For example, someone who is unable to control anger or can't cope with stressful personal situations like the loss of a job or marriage problems may lash out at others inappropriately. Certain types of personality disorders or mental illness might also interfere with someone's ability to relate to others in healthy ways or cause problems with aggression or self-control. Of course, not everyone with a personality disorder or mental illness becomes abusive.
Fortunately, people who abuse can get help and learn how to take responsibility for how they act — and learn ways to stop.
What is domestic violence and abuse?
Sometimes a seemingly minor thing can trigger a big reaction. Being touched inappropriately by a family member, or being told to keep secrets, for example, can be very confusing and traumatic. Every family has arguments. Friends, couples, coaches, and teachers can get upset, frustrated, or have a bad day.
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We all go through difficult times when someone is stressed and angry. Punishments and discipline — like removing privileges, grounding, or being sent to your room — are common.
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But if punishments, arguments, or yelling go too far or last too long it can lead to stress and other serious problems. Teens who are abused or have been in the past often have trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating. Many people who are abused distrust others. They may feel a lot of anger toward other people and themselves, and it can be hard to make friends. Abuse is a significant cause of depression in young people. Some teens can only feel better by doing things that could hurt them like cutting or abusing drugs or alcohol. They might even attempt suicide. It's common for those who have been abused to feel upset, angry, and confused about what happened to them.
They may feel guilty and embarrassed and blame themselves. But abuse is never the fault of the person who is being abused, no matter how much the abuser tries to blame others. So how do we make the world safer for victims to disclose abuse? For now, be aware that lip-service against primary abuse is insufficient without action to stop secondary abuse. Silence is acceptance of the status quo, so make your support for victims loud and make it public!
A major step is pursuing justice, and we will only bring ourselves to prevent further suffering when we see those victims brave enough to confront their abusers as heroes, rather than traitors. The layperson looks to his or her rabbi to set this tone.
The message sent from the pulpit can determine if attitudes will change and if the scourge of abusers will stop. Joel Avrunin. Everybody waits for somebody, while victim support comes from nobody. Joel Avrunin is a leader in building technical sales teams, with a passion for technology, teambuilding, coaching, and helping people develop their careers.
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Experiencing the heartache of being a father to a victim of clergy child sex abuse has motivated him to be a vocal proponent of robust child safety and anti-grooming policies in our schools, houses of worship, and summer camps. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia with his wife and children, where he enjoys long runs down the Atlanta Beltline and hikes in the North Georgia mountains with his family.
Why my friends rock: a tale of everyday heroes. Vivi Kelman. Man up, be a man, take it like a man. The mental health charity Campaign Against Living Miserably CALM deals with the consequences of this every day — they include around twelve British men taking their own lives every single day, often without ever having looked for help and support. Of course men in our society still unfairly occupy the highest and most powerful platforms, speak with the loudest voices, scoop most of the largest pay cheques. What must be noted is that those men rarely if ever use their platforms and positions to speak up for those of their gender who are abused, neglected, left homeless, impoverished, criminalised by the society they have built.
Surely they realise that such swipes barely tickle at the men in designer suits who run the banks, the governments and the corporations, while cutting deep at the homeless, the desperate, the suicidal, the young victims of rape and sexual abuse leaving care and going straight to prison. They must feel so proud. Around the country today, IMD events include a conference to bring together organisations working with male and female victims of domestic and sexual abuse; events to encourage mentoring and a meeting on involved fatherhood at the House of Lords.
Similar initiatives are happening in dozens of countries around the world. I opted to spend six hours muted, as part of a sponsored silence to raise funds and awareness for Survivors Manchester.
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The idea seemed especially resonant and rather profound. I hope I am not the only one. You can find our Community Guidelines in full here. Want to discuss real-world problems, be involved in the most engaging discussions and hear from the journalists? Try Independent Premium free for 1 month.
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Boys Don't Tell Ending the Silence of Abuse
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